Saturday, June 25, 2011

Random Crap

Pocket Change Definition:
1. When politicians take money from YOUR pocket, and put it in theirs.

The grass is never truly greener on the other side... unless you are a horse.

According to Jack Bauer, there are only 2 options to save the world;
mastering the art of whispering and yelling at the same time, at someone who knows where the bomb is, or getting shot in the kneecap. You can tell how much Jack Bauer likes you by how far above your kneecap he shoots you.

Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

I hate snakes. I shoot first, and determine later if it's poisonous. Of course, with their head blown to smithereens, it pretty much becomes a moot point.

People get stuck in their comfort zone.
Life begins OUTSIDE of your comfort zone.
Dumb Masses...

Some days, I think about giving up country living and moving into an apartment, so when things break, I could just call a maintenance man. Then I stop and think about what it was like when I used to live in an apartment...
Pass me the pipe wrench, I have plumbing to repair.

Family reunions... I got nothing... other than avoid them at all cost.

We spend the first 24 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next 24 years telling them to shut up and sit down... no wonder they are so screwed up.

A friend gave their son an etch-a-sketch for Christmas last year... he picked it up, looked at it, wanted to know where the on/off switch was. "No switch." "Where do you put in the batteries?" "No batteries." "WOW, this must be the latest thing in electronics."
Yeah kid... shut up and sit down.

I used to own a 1972, chocolate brown, Triumph TR6. It was the most amazing car I've ever owned. It could take a 90 degree turn at 50 mph and never bark the tires. One day I'd like to own another one.

I ride a 90ci V-twin motorcycle. It too can make a 90 degree turn at 50 mph... but with someone else driving it, who has good insurance, and deep pockets, and a million years experience...

My Gastroenterologist is one of the nicest guys, most sophisticated, and one of if not the kindest man I have ever met. Whenever I have an appointment, he always walks in the room, shakes my hand, and always treats me like I'm the most important thing in his life at that moment... a rare thing these days. I think I have a man crush on him.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

In the Still of the Night

I watched this... I laughed.. and I cried...

How much of this do you remember...?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Boris the Wonder Dog

Meet Boris the Wonder Dog.

We rescued him from becoming a pound puppy.

Boris is part Border Collie... and something else. And he really is something else.
This dog will play catch with you until he drops... literally. I've never seen anything like it.

We thought we had a home lined up for him, but it never materialized, and here we are... another addition to the family.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Guardian of the Garden

We live in what used to be considered "out in the country", but suburbia has crept into the area. We have a septic tank for sewage control and our water comes from a well. The well produces some of the best Sulfur water known to man. I have engineered a system that removes 90% of the sulfur prior to bringing it into the house. If you're not familiar with sulfur water, think of a rotten egg smell.

We are still zoned agricultural and we try our best to maintain our "country" lifestyle, as much as we can. We have chickens and horses, and we try our best to grow a garden each year. This year, we are actually growing 2 gardens, one next to the garage (lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, beans, etc), so there was some protection from the cold last winter (we started that one early) and one out in the North West corner of the property, which is strictly a blueberry garden... about 20 small blueberry plants.

It's very satisfying to sit down to dinner and know that everything on your plate (minus the meat) was grown right outside your back door. Especially with this new strain of E-Coli out break.

I do not have a green thumb. Let's get that out in the open right now. If I try to grow something, most times it either dies, or never breaks the ground...

But I do know some things...

I know that root veggies like a sandier soil so they don't have to fight hard packed soil to grow... and I know you can grow potatoes in a compost pile. I know that if you plant an orange from a seed, the fruit will be sour as shit. I know everything needs water and sunlight.

Ok... if you knew NOTHING about gardening, and you're reading this, you now know as much as I do.

Bottom line... I suffer from chronic CGS... Can't Grow Shit, unless it's mold in the refrigerator... I can grow a bumper crop of mold!!

All that being said, my wife controls the garden, I engineer whatever mechanics she needs to help make things grow.

Last year we (SHE!) grew corn, melons, peppers and assorted other veggies. I engineered the irrigation equipment. It worked pretty well for the most part, but wasn't the most efficient system ever built. The underlying issue was water pressure.

Until 3 weeks ago, my yard was a spiderweb of hoses and "Y's" and I was in constant damage control mode because the hoses were constantly springing leaks. Over the past several weeks, I buried about 1000 feet of 1/2 PVC pipe to bring water to all points of my yard. From the well, out to the garden, 100 feet, from the well to the barn, another 300 feet, from the barn out to the horses, another 600 feet. I actually ran pipe out to the front gate, another 300 feet, but have not tied it in yet nor buried it.

No runs, no leaks, no errors!

Last week, my wife mentioned that the sprinkler we had for last years garden wasn't enough to cover all of the blue berries.


I created a sprinkler system out of PVC that any gardener would be proud to own. It has 5 sprinkler heads that each would produce an 8 to 15 foot radius of water. Plenty big enough to not only cover ALL of the blueberry plants, but 2 pear trees on the edge of the garden. I'm a PVC Farookin' genius!!

Unfortunately, not only do I suffer from chronic CGS (Can't Grow Shit) I also suffer from CRS (Can't Remember Shit), and forgot about the water pressure issue. The 5 sprinkler heads are, at this very moment, producing an 8 to 15 INCH radius of water.

I could just scream.